October was Buzzfeed videos and unhealthy binge-eating. I forgot how much I rely on work as distraction against destructive behaviour. Without formal 9-5 employment to structure my days, I fell into an endless loop of ‘I need to catch up with so-and-so series’, and like a zombie, I started watching clip after clip after clip.
In a very self-actualising moment, I realised that my savings is actually preventing me from being productive. I *want* to accomplish this and that, but somehow, the motivation is not there because it’s not a sink-or-swim situation yet. In the current situation, I can last for at least a year without panicking about food, rent, you know, necessities. At the same time, I am comforted with the fact that my money is growing due to investment choices made years ago.
You know what this feels like? Retirement. I wake up when I like and do what I like. This is good, but bad too, because I’m super procastinating on Kotak Koffee and this blog. On the other hand, I admit that there is that fear – is my money going to last? How long? I imagine most retirees feel like this all the time. Since being old and broke is pretty much my biggest fear, at some point, I have to force myself to be as productive as possible to maximise my earning potential. If you have solid advice on how to be super productive, I would appreciate the tips.
I’m also thinking, if procastination and non-motivation comes easily to me, is that my default setting? Or is it just a ‘funk’, a temporary phase? Did I really quit my job to pursue own business to discover that I needed to be in an organisation in order to be motivated to work? That would suck, because that would mean that I draw motivation from external validation (to not fail others’ expectations) rather than own motivation. Oh well, still figuring this out as I go along. Yay of the month:
- I spent a lot, but most of it is necessity spending – due to moving and all that. I traveled from KL to Ipoh multiple times, got some furniture, hired a cleaner to clean my old place, and hired a plumber/technician to fix up what needed to be fixed. I’m glad and surprised that I didn’t break the RM3k limit.
Nay of the month:
- Spent way, way too much on food. I know I gained weight.
Things to look forward to:
- Having a long, hard conversation with myself to decide what is it that I want to do.