happy women's day

Happy Women’s Day. Here are 4 Ways to Support Women in Your Life

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Happy Women’s Day/ Month everyone.

But is it happy? I’m not happy. Just tired of faux-empowerment messages and ‘we-appreciate-yous’, when women still, in general, earn less than men and retire/stop working earlier than men. Considering women have a longer life expectancy, how is she supposed to finance her retirement life?

(Do NOT say their husbands etc should take care of her finances. Do not erase the struggles of female-headed households, who are already most affected by the pandemic)

You can’t separate women’s empowerment and money

I don’t shout out this fact often, but I used to work at an international women’s rights organisation. I can answer most questions you have about women’s human rights, or at least point you in the right direction.

But you don’t need to have women’s human rights background to know that women is the gender that tends to be both overworked and underpaid. The government can only do so much (are they doing enough? Not at all, but that’s an opinion for another day), it’s up to you and me.

Here are 4 ways to support the women in your life. This post is written for the male audience in mind, but I invite everyone read, because all of us (even myself) have a little bit of unconcious bias against women in us.

#1 – Include her in financial discussions and decisions

Women like shopping, amirite? Women also only like fashion, beauty, you know, fluffy stuff. I’ve legit gotten backhanded comments like, ‘wow, you’re good with money, most girls aren’t’. Which is an interesting comment to get, seeing how women are generally better with money.

Would it surprise you to know that women are better investors than men? There are more male investors, sure, and finances are male-dominated anyway, but studies have shown, again and again that women’s tendency to take the less risky approach is the better investment approach.

It’s a bit grainy, but the stats in bottom half of this Bursa Malaysia slide says women investors outperform men by 40 basis points

What’s in it for you: 

The next time you hear about an investment opportunity, talk it out with some women. They might have insights that you wouldn’t have gotten from your male friends. It may help you avoid losing money.

On the women’s side, it’s awesome to talk investment. We don’t grow up feeling like we belong in the financial world. Many top management posts are held by men, and we lack good female mentors and role models. So yes, including us is refreshing.

Don’t be discouraged if she says she’s ‘not good at this’ – women downplay their abilities a lot. We are taught to be modest, to take a back seat while the men take care of stuff. It took me a while to recognise and unlearn this.

Ask her anyway.  Ask her these questions:

  • What are her investments right now? Are they good investments? Are there better options out there? Why is it better?
  • What is she interested to invest in, if money slash capital is not an issue?
  • What investments she thinks are NOT good? Why?
  • What type of investment news does she follow? From which portals?

#2 – Take charge of some chores, and do it well

Let me introduce you to the concept of ‘unpaid care work’.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day, yes?

No, we don’t.

In the typical household, women spend much more time to do the housework, take care of children, and caring for the elderly. In Malaysia, women do up to 2.4x of unpaid care work compared to men. Source: KRI’s Time to Care: Gender Inequality, Unpaid Care Work and Time Use Survey report.

The more women do this:

  • the less time she has to work (and earn extra income),
  • the less she could spend time for self-improvement or go to networking events,
  • thus the less visible she is and less likely to be promoted, and
  • more likely to be stuck in her economic position.

Men do chores, of course they do. However, men tend to need ‘reminding’ (note: this is where the ‘my wife/mother/sister nags’ jokes come in). Rather than telling you what to do, it is simply faster for us to do it ourselves.

Yeah, maybe we can delegate better, but whatever needs to get done is sometimes worth doing now so that we worry about one less thing that day. We can also avoid ‘why’d you bother me this time’ stares by the guys.

For me, it’s the same feeling I got when I had to remind someone they owe me money. It’s just an unpleasant thing to do.

(Tbh this put me off from marriage for the longest time. Penned my thoughts on marriage here)

What’s in it for you: 

There is not much benefit, except for increase self-sufficiency skills, but doing this will make you a better, more caring person to your loved ones. This means you will be giving up hours in a week to do those chores instead of her. You need to notice things that need doing and do them.

Chores you can take over:

  • Food preparation and cleanup
  • Laundry
  • Stocking up essential groceries
  • Pickup/dropoff duties
  • Caring for parents/grandparents
  • House cleaning
  • Fix things/arrange for things to be fixed

A good rule of thumb is about 3-4 hours more housework each week.

#3 – Do some positive discrimination

Positive discrimination is a term that simply means ‘temporarily favouring one group over another while we take action to improve the situation for the better’.

Easiest example – the women-only coaches. Some ask the need at all. But consider this: sexual harassment in public places can be enough deterrent for women to go work. It causes unnecessary stress.

What happens? If the stress/safety concern is too much and the woman decides to stop working, her income will be gone. If the woman decides to try another method of transportation, it might be more expensive or takes more time.

So that’s why we have our sexual harassment campaigns, AND also have women-only coaches. We need both until the education and awareness seep into society.

What’s in it for you: 

Benefits range from karma points to higher profits in a company to a safer society. Some examples of positive discrimination you can do:

  • During a meeting, properly credit female colleagues who did outstanding work. It may help her get promoted.
  • During conversations that are mostly dominated by men talking, invite your female colleagues to share her views.
  • When greeting a couple or male-female pair for the first time, once in a while greet her first.
  • If you’re in a hiring position, ensure women make up 50% of the management posts. A study says that companies with gender-diverse boards earn more.
  • If the list of names considered for promotion is all/mostly male, add in competent female colleagues as options too.
  • If your area is unsafe or dark, and you notice women take the longer route because of it, lobby for DBKL to add lights and increase security.

And more. Do some positive discrimination that favour women when you can.

EDIT: An argument against meritocracy – This is for people who’re like, “I make sure to reward people based on their merits not their gender! It’s the only fair thing!”

Meritocracy assumes everyone starts from the same playing field. Reminder: oppressed groups (women, racial minorities, the disabled etc) have more barriers to overcome. People try to implement merit-based systems, sure, but did you know:

  • In an orchestra audition, where musicians are supposed to be judged and hired by their abilities alone, the female applicants’ heel clicks against the hardwood floor was enough to trigger unconscious bias against them. Read more here.
  • Negotiations – salaries, promotions, whatever – should be fought by the individual, yes? In response to ‘why aren’t more women earning more/in top positions’, it’s so easy to say ‘oh she should have just asked for it’. See, the thing is, women are punished more harshly than men for negotiating. We are penalised for demanding more. Read more here.

These are just two examples, but enough to point out how flawed merit-based systems are. Internal biases still shape our opinions and decisions – and everyone is biased.

Also I don’t like meritocracy because it’s a system that favours the rich to get richer.

#4 – Take the punches as they come

Men who actively do things to support the women in their lives have some nasty nicknames, don’t they? Whipped by wife/girlfriend, ‘domesticated’, they say.

It takes a brave soul to dare to do all the things above. Comments, snides, snickers, maybe even a blatant ‘you’re not a man if you do X, that’s her job’. Gender stereotypes don’t go away overnight, but the good thing is every act of personal activism counts.

What’s in it for you: 

People who react negatively to your positive acts for women do so because they feel defensive. To them, things should work a certain way, so their beliefs and values are being challenged. The comments may come from men or women too.

It’s not your job to change them. Your job is just to lead by example.

Putting the Happy in Happy Women’s Day

Obviously, I am inspired to write this post as a tribute to International Women’s Day. My own way to wish Happy Women’s Day in a more productive way, instead of just lip service.

I also want to take the time to acknowledge my privileges. I was born in an upper-middle class family. My mother held a top management post in the education sector, while my father prioritised my education. My parents gave me a car that allowed me to safely go to work since 18.

But not everyone has the same background – I am who I am thanks to these advantages. And more likely than not, you may have some of these privileges as well, so will you help me to help women, especially the worst-off, in addition to other disadvantaged minority groups?

Would love to get some pledges. Thank you in advance. Love from Suraya, your friendly neighbourhood feminist.

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  1. Loved the post, Suraya! Also “your friendly friendhood feminist” should definitely be on t-shirt and mugs!

  2. Great post! Very timely for Intl Women’s Day.

    For #2 – can recommend. Guys can learn to cook and prepare some meals. It frees up your partner’s time, is an activity you can do together (how many of those do you have) and you may even enjoy cooking!

    1. Thank you David!

      I recommend cooking not just for the partner, but also for yourself. It saves so much money and can improve health so much that learning it is a no-brainer!

  3. A true man is someone who can do things what women can do that men avoid. Haters will hate, it’s not like they are paying for our bills. I had the privilege to do confinement for my wife and newborn for a whole month, 3 years ago! It’s an achievement that I can proudly share to everyone now.

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